Ukrainian parents Valeria and Roman Biletski and seven of their eight children escaped occupied territory in southern Ukraine in the middle of the night, not knowing which direction led to safety and which led directly into more occupied territory or pockets of invading Russian troops. Most communications had been knocked offline, but they had heard bombs falling on the nearby airport and seen YouTube videos of Russian troops rounding up civilians in a nearby village.
Valeria and Roman escaped knowing their family was especially vulnerable because they have relatives in the security service and in the military, and also because six of their children are adopted, so there were many administrative records about their family in the town’s record system. It was barely two weeks after Russia’s full-scale invasion in 2022, and it was time to leave.
The Biletskis loved their home, beautiful garden, and wheat field in their village, Lymanets. They left Valeria’s mom and siblings, who wanted to stay. They left their successful funeral home business and the bees Roman kept. They left in the only vehicle large enough to take the big family, their funeral hearse.
They headed northwest and at one point had to leave the hearse and hide in nearby bushes to avoid being discovered by Russians. At other stops, Ukrainian forces inspected their car and were surprised to find seven very-much-alive children in the back of the hearse.
Their eldest son, Roman, 23, who had served in the Ukrainian military from 2017 – 2019, had mustered 12 days before the rest of his family left. He would have rejoined Ukraine’s defenders on the first day of the invasion, but he and his dad, Roman senior, needed to bring his younger brother, Serhiy, then 15, home from his school in Kherson, on an island in the Dnipro river.
Serhiy had spent 12 hours on the floor at his school because of nearly constant Russian artillery fire. Once Serhiy was home, Roman rejoined the Ukrainian military. Eight days later, on March 8, he called from Mariupol and let his family know he was okay. A few days after that a civilian called the family and told them Roman was okay. And so, with that news and with the sounds of Russian artillery ringing in their ears and images from local videos showing Russian troops taking over a nearby town, Valeria and her husband made the agonizing choice to leave.
Eventually the family arrived in the relatively safe city of Vinnytsia and stayed with one of her brothers in a refugee center in a school. From there they went to Poland. Valeria didn’t cross the border with her family right away because she feared she wouldn’t be able to receive a call from Roman, but did rejoin her family in Poland once she was reassured her phone would still work outside of Ukraine. In early April they received a call saying their son was dead. Valeria and Roman were shocked and horrified, but they couldn’t believe their son was dead. A few days later they got another call saying the previous call was a mistake and Roman was alive.
New Life in the United States
The senior Roman has brothers who have lived in Washington State since 2002, so the family knew their destination. After Poland they went to France, then to Mexico where they stayed in a refugee camp in Tijuana. They finally entered the U.S. on April 10, 2022.
A week later, they heard from their son Roman that he was okay. He had helped to defend Mariupol and eventually made his way to the giant Azovstal steel mill, along with hundreds of other Ukrainian soldiers and civilians who worked at the steel mill, and their families. On May 17, 2022 they received an official letter telling them Roman was dead. He received a military award signed by Ukraine’s President Zelenkskyy.
During the months from Roman’s April 17 call through the following month of not knowing if he was still alive, and then from May 17 through the next two months of grieving, Valeria turned to her painting to stay strong enough to continue to be the mom her seven surviving children needed. As a new artist, having only started painting four years prior after taking just two art classes in Ukraine, painting became her grief therapy.
Then in July 2022, the Red Cross called the family and told them Roman was still alive and in Russian captivity, having been captured on May 17 at the huge steel mill that has become an international symbol of Ukraine’s resistance to Russia. The siege of the Azovstal mill had bogged Russian troops down there for 80 days, buying time for Ukrainian forces elsewhere to prepare for the coming onslaught and evacuate civilians.
In February 2023 they received a short video showing Roman in a Russian prison. He was very thin. After that they received a letter and a photo from him. They also learned that Roman’s best friend died in a burning car after Russians fired on his car. Valeria’s brother’s wife and their three-year-old son were captured by Russians, who raped and tortured her before killing her, and tortured their little boy by choking him and burning his forehead with cigarettes. The boy is now with his father in Odesa. Valeria and her family keep a beautiful portrait of her in the small gallery where Valeria paints and makes beautiful bouquets of flowers from soap.
Today the proceeds from the gallery sales help sustain the family and sustain several other people in Ukraine. They send money to friends back home and to families whose husbands and fathers are missing, which means they would have no income at all if it weren’t for gifts from generous people like the Biletskis. They also donate works of art to various fundraisers for Ukraine, including to Ukraine Defense Support and many others. And, despite their pain and constant worry for Roman, they work to keep Ukrainian culture alive by hosting small concerts in their gallery featuring extremely gifted Ukrainian musicians.
This past January, the family heard from three other soldiers who were freed in Ukraine via a prisoner exchange with Russia. They knew Roman and shared that he was still alive, strong, and even helping other prisoners.
